20 December 2018 – Catching a bus from Barcelona to Lisbon on a whim (reflections after the fact)

Portugal wasn’t on my itinerary… At least until summer. It’s strange how one decision can change everything in your destiny.

If I waited for a little longer for my friend to reply, I wouldn’t have booked a hostel in Barcelona. If I didn’t stay in Barcelona, I wouldn’t have met Mr Zen (see my last blog about Barcelona). If I didn’t meet Mr Zen, I wouldn’t have bought a bus ticket to Lisbon and I wouldn’t be sitting on a train in Lisbon by myself, writing this entry.

Admittedly, I’ve been hesitant to write this because it’s a little bit personal… I want to share my adventures but sometimes a little mystery in life is nice. After all, this story is about meeting someone and a little bit of romance. But my blog’s focus isn’t about romance… it’s about my journey. I guess you could argue that anything I do is part of my journey, including (failed) romantic getaways.

In the end, I just want to write to cry out loud.

I broke one of my main travel rules – never ever change your plans for someone.

But then I followed my other rule – if you’re curious about something, just do it.

After all, I didn’t want to be left wondering… And our connection and attraction to each other was so strong.

To fill you in – I met Mr Zen in Barcelona. We were instantly drawn to each other and he spontaneously decided to go to Lisbon… And invited me to come with him. I wanted to go straight away because it was adventurous but I didn’t go straight away because I was unprepared. I didn’t bring much with me… But I did end up booking that ticket to Lisbon a few days later.

We met up again, explored Lisbon together, got lost and had fun… But I just can’t help but feel like I needed to leave as soon as possible. The passion between us is great… but I feel like I need my space. It’s true, it takes a long time to truly know who someone is… And after spending two days with him, I’ve learnt that he is a truly embracing a nomadic life. Somehow I get the feeling that he is battling with what he wants… And he wasn’t emotionally prepared for the position he is in. To explain it simply… he decided to travel to take a break from his life back home… getting rid of basically all of his possessions. I admire the ideology but when it crosses paths with a lack of sensibility, it becomes difficult to handle.

I feel like I need to look after him at least while we’re together. And then I feel bad for him… I feel like it would be hurting his self esteem having to rely on my own and other people’s funds him in order to survive. But unfortunately, I didn’t come travel for someone to depend on me (maybe I’m being selfish here but I have my own challenge of making my money last for as long as possible… And I feel that this isn’t helping my situation).

Now I’ve run away to explore Portugal by myself. I left before he woke up. The longer I am roaming around, the more nervous and anxious I become. I’m scared he will get annoyed at me or something and won’t let me back into his place… I have all my valuables with me but a lot of useful things at his place. I’m scared that I will be left on the street, having to wait at the place until someone comes home because I don’t have a key to get back in… But I guess its not the end of the world. I can wait for one night… It’s just going to be really cold.

That’s my rant over….

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