23 June 2019 – After a week of working in the Vineyard

Right now I’m telling myself – “you’ve only got one more week left. It’s not long”. I’m getting to the point now where I am struggling a little bit with the dynamics of this work ~ mainly the prejudicial, ‘old man’ mentality. It’s hard for me to describe, but I think you will understand when I explain a little more.

I really want to steer away from being judgmental, I really do…but I’m finding it hard and I feel the need to complain.

Why?

Because it’s affecting me a little bit – mainly because I feel like I have a subtle expectation and pressure to continually work even on my days off. I feel pressure to keep my boss company. And I feel pressure to act in a certain manner to meet the standards of my boss ~ I feel like if I don’t act in a certain way, he will negatively judge me and look down on me. I don’t like this feeling. I guess it’s kind of taking away my liberty ~ something I treasure when I’m traveling (I’m realising this more and more now). One of the main attractions to me about solo travel is the liberty you have…and when there’s something to take it away, it makes me feel a little uneasy and stressed. It makes traveling all that more unenjoyable.

But I’m going to take my boss’s general advice: “always look on the bright side. There is always a bright side to everything”

But I’m going to do a hybrid, paradoxical blend ~ I’m going to look on the bright side, but allow myself to complain about the situation. I don’t like being falsely positive ~ it feels like I’m lying to myself when I do that. It feels fake and controlling.

So what’s the bright side?

Well, actually, a lot. Despite my complaint above, I’ve managed to actually have an overall good time and learn a great deal of things, especially about wine-making. This man has a wealth of knowledge.

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